Jeremiah’s Journey truly started at the time he was conceived,  we just didn’t know it at the time. In fact our story started with us being pregnant with twins…we lost Jeremiah’s twin when I was 8 weeks pregnant. Every week for 3 weeks, we watched both babies heartbeats on the ultrasound, then of course we were crushed when Jeremiah’s twin was no longer with us. Jeremiah was doing great at every single ultrasound except the very last one. Some people don’t understand what stillbirth is.  Some don’t really think about it. We never did. Of course until it happened to us. I was 6 months pregnant when I was sitting in my bedroom telling my husband that I hadn’t felt our baby move much that day.  I tried drinking orange juice and having candy to see if the sugar would make our son move, but it didn’t. When we decided to go to the hospital that night, I tried to think positive and tell myself we were just going for peace of mind and everything would be OK. When we arrived, we went up to labor and delivery, then we were taken into the triage room. After being asked a bunch of questions, the nurse took out the doppler to check for a heartbeat. It took a while and several nurses had their turn trying to find it. Every time we heard a heartbeat I looked at the nurse with hope…but it was my heartbeat, not our baby’s. Finally they called a doctor in to do an ultrasound and check. At this point I knew something was wrong. Sure enough the doctor informed us that our son no longer had a heartbeat, his brain was swelled, and he had passed away. We still did not know WHY this happened. Our beautiful boy who we will never hear laugh or talk,  who we will never watch grow up or have the privilege of raising has gone home to be with the Lord. Besides being in complete shock, we were completely destroyed and broken to the tiniest pieces imaginable. We never imagined this happening so far along in a pregnancy and we didn’t realize how hard the days moving forward would be. We cried and cried and cried and just couldn’t believe it. The nurse came in and informed us that I would need to give birth to our son and make arrangements with a funeral home.  They asked if I wanted to be induced for labor that night.  I didn’t want to,  for a few reasons…. I needed time to process what just happened and what was about to happen,  and mostly I just wasn’t ready to be separated from my baby. I didn’t want to let him go. I knew once I gave birth to him he would never be inside of me again and this was goodbye until we meet in Heaven. So I walked around looking pregnant for 3 days knowing our son wasn’t alive.  It was especially hard for my husband seeing me pregnant but knowing our boy was not alive inside my belly. To me, I felt he was still with me, but I also knew the tragic reality that he was not.  October 1st came and I was scared to death about what was going to happen.  My husband and I hadn’t slept or eaten much,  and our eyes were burning from all the crying.  We set everything up at the cemetery for our son, but this like everything else just seemed so unreal that we were at a cemetery working out details to have our child buried. I was admitted to the hospital where I was then induced and given an epidural. My anxiety had skyrocketed. After several hours I gave birth to Jeremiah Robert Herring on October 1st, 2015. It was a Thursday night at 9pm. He weighed  1lb 9oz and was 13″ long. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck 3 times. Triple nuchal cord accident. This is the only reason that the doctors were able to find regarding our sons death. During a normal birth it is loud when a baby is born…baby cries, nurses and doctors talking, the parents excited and some happy tears, immediately nursing your baby, etc. Giving birth to our son, Jeremiah was very quiet. Somber and tears of devastation. My nurses: Cheryl and Laura, treated Jeremiah as if he were alive. He was bathed, his hair was brushed, they took his foot prints so we could keep it as a memory, got him dressed, gave him a hat and wrapped him in a blanket. We held him and he stayed in the room with me until the next morning. We are so grateful for that. Carly Villani, who volunteers with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, came out late that night to take pictures of Jeremiah and us with him. We are so grateful to her and the organization. When we had to say goodbye again, that was very difficult. Our Pastor Joe Suozzo of Immanuel Bible Church, led Jeremiah’s funeral but seeing his tiny casket in the ground was life shattering. Since losing our son, Jeremiah,  we have been through many dark days. Depression and anxiety seemed to surround us way too often. How are we still here today? Because of God. He is the only reason we have strength to somehow move forward through our tragedy. Although it’s not always easy to trust God, or to not blame God when something like this happens, it is our faith that has to precede our own understanding. We have chosen to help others going through the same as we did, we have chosen to take our pain and turn it into something that will glorify the Lord. This doesn’t mean we aren’t still hurting, we are, very much…but Christ carries us through those times that we crumble. This is when He can do His best work in us, we can not be changed if we aren’t broken. “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10 Many wonder what “when I am weak, then I am strong” means. This statement does not seem to make any sense and even seems to contradict itself. How can someone possibly be weak and strong at the same time? The apostle Paul wrote these words when he was struggling with an issue that he described as a ‘thorn in the flesh.’ We do not know exactly what was troubling him, but the severity of this trial was obviously so terrible that it greatly weakened him. When our lives are running smoothly and absent of trials, we have a tendency to rely upon our own human strength which cannot compare in any way to Christ’s almighty, divine strength. However, when our life is invaded with difficulties and storms, our strength fades away and we become weak. Yet in these times of personal weakness we can turn to Jesus and rely upon His perfect power, to face and endure those storms. When we are relying upon Christ’s immense strength instead of our own inadequate strength, we are really strong.